


pinch me, i must be dreaming

by warriorsandaces



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Everyone Is Alive, Little bit of angst, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Post-Season 2, but it's not an angst fic, gratuitous over use of italics, gratuitous over use of the f bomb, i feel like i should add a crack tag so, possible gratuitous over use of fragments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 22:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3428381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorsandaces/pseuds/warriorsandaces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles' jaw drops and he just stands there gaping at Derek for a moment. "Oh my God, you fight like my grandma!"</p>
<p>What is with this guy and his fucking expressive eyebrows? "You've fought your grandma?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	pinch me, i must be dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through my likes on tumblr to queue things when I found this prompt "'You fight like my grandma!' 'You've fought your grandma?'" and bam! This thing was born.  
> Un-beta'd because I'm a loser.  
> Prompt found [here.](http://suddenlyprompts.tumblr.com/post/111669500355/you-fight-like-my-grandma-youve-fought-your)

Stiles is pissed and frustrated and- he knows why Derek did it, he does, but that doesn't make it any less annoying and- and  _hurtful_. Stiles does everything he can to help the pack and, yes, that ends up getting him hurt more often than not (even when they're doing a freaking study group because Erica still "doesn't know her own strength" even though Stiles is about 95% sure she tackles him with the express intent to give bruises), but  _he is pack_ and he should be included in things that want to kill them.

Well, he doesn't want to  _die_  but he'd still like to know when one of the pack (in this case Boyd) is kidnapped.

He's pacing back and forth in what qualifies as the living room, fuming and not at all calmed down by the time he and Derek are alone in the loft. He is going to have some serious words with him and if Derek can't deal with it then tough.

He's breathes in and out a few times, trying to calm down enough to start the argument that he knows they've had before (granted it was more about Derek's extreme reluctance to share that Erica an Boyd had been kidnapped by the Alpha pack and they weren't all buddy-buddy then, but it's still a familiar concept). He stops walking and turns sharply to where Derek is leaning against the loft entrance, arms crossed and eyebrows raised questioningly.

"You," Stiles points a finger at him in a way he hopes is threatening but probably fails at magnificently, "are a giant ball of dicks." And, yeah, that definitely did not sound threatening. 

And what's Derek's response?  _Complete and utter silence_. Even his eyebrows are being quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me fairies stole Boyd?!" Stiles sounds petulant, even to his own ears, but he goes on, because he's still really fucking pissed. "We've had this little chat before, Derek: you don't keep information from pack members. All it does is make things worse!"

"Scott texted you." He doesn't even say it. He just grunts. Has Stiles mentioned that he is pissed off?

He walks until he's in Derek's face. "Scott  _texted_ me after everything was over! I could've helped find him sooner!" He's aggressively whispering because he doesn't know if any of the pack is listening in. Not that it really matters. They could probably hear him whispering a mile away if they really wanted to.

Derek is still leaning against the door with his arms crossed, and Stiles is annoyed that he takes note of how the grey Henley he's wearing stretches across his biceps. Derek Hale should not be allowed to look this good when Stiles is pissed at him. "He wasn't even gone for an hour."

_"That's not the point_." And he does have a point to all this. "The point is that something could have happened and since I wasn't informed  _before_  you decided to go on your wolfy rescue mission I wouldn't have been able to help save your wolfy asses if something did happen!"

"We had it under control. There was no reason to get you involved."

It's like talking to a fucking wall (and, well, Derek is kind of built like a wall of muscle, but still). Stiles takes a deep breath. "Okay, I get it, I'm the human and you don't like me, but I'm part of this pack and I just want to be included  _when_  something happens and not after it's over."

Stoic as ever, Derek just looks at Stiles (and, wow, when did they get this close?) and says, "Is that all."

Stiles is about to do something stupid, he can feel it. He raises his hand again, this time to poke Derek in the chest (he's punched the dude before and he knows from past bruised and achy hand experience that punching is not a good thing when you don't have freaky werewolf powers). His finger is about to hit it's mark when Derek uses his stupidly fast reflexes to grab Stiles' wrist with one hand while the other is zeroing in on Stiles' face.

He squeezes his eyes shut because he's about to die. He pissed off Mr. McBroody Werewolf and now he's just another Thumper on Derek's (probably extensive) list of wolfy chow. He flinches, ready for the blow, and then-

_And then Derek pinches him_.

Stiles' jaw drops and he just stands there gaping at Derek for a moment. "Oh my God, you fight like my grandma!"

What is with this guy and his fucking expressive eyebrows? "You've fought your grandma?" 

"Oh my- you know what I mean!" but whether Derek knows or not doesn't seem to matter because he's still all up in Stiles' space, hand still holding Stiles in place, and it looks a lot like he's about to start round two of "Pinch Stiles Into Submission." 

"Dude, pinching me is not going to make me change my mind." It really won't and Derek should know this by now. Even though he's never done the pinching thing before, threats and slightly physical violence are not a particularly new trend.

"You're annoying, you know that?" And did Derek Hale just use a question mark? He did!

And then Derek's face is smooshed against Stiles' and he's a little ashamed to admit that he is very confused because they've never  _face smooshed before._ But then he realizes that Derek's  _kissing him_ ,or would be kissing him if Derek was a rock because the guy is not moving at all. Stiles can feel how tense he is  _through his lips_.

Stiles pulls back, taking note of the way Derek is glaring at the wall to Stiles' left and looks like he's about to bolt. Ha! Like Stiles will give him that chance because  _Derek totally likes him._

Stiles smiles, smug and a lot less pissed. "You  _like_  me."

Derek grumbles, "Shut up, Stiles," but he is not easily deterred.

"You  _like_  like me!" He's bouncing on the tips of his toes now and he just barely resists fist pumping. Barely.

Derek rolls his eyes (more like his entire head), and reaches out with his right hand to pull Stiles in and, obviously, kiss him again.

Only he doesn't.

He fucking  _pinches him again_.

"You fucking jerk!"


End file.
